Hello fellow sojourners!
I'm not financially minded. Accounting, tax returns and spreadsheets leave me stone cold. So I'm here to speak about the more personal/day-to-day side of our financial independence journey.
Not being quite as hardcore as my husband (Mr Cent(ri)frugal to you) I found it difficult to adjust to the mindset required for financial freedom. I was never exactly a spendthrift - I grew up on a tight budget, and chose teaching as a profession, so saving wisely and spending carefully were always part of my outlook. FIRE was a reasonably natural extension of my natural inclinations.
However, when I started working, having the ability to randomly decide to go out for coffee with a friend, purchase a jersey that caught my eye or buy a treat at the grocery store without counting the metaphorical pennies was a wonderful side-effect of a grueling job. Having my R200 (or whatever it was) of "free" spending money each month made me feel... free. If I wanted it, within reason, I could have it. And who doesn't like that? And if the budget got a bit expanded occasionally, well, where's the harm in that, right?
So the notion of cancelling discretionary spending was quite a stretch.
However, as everyone knows, stretching is actually a good thing. Especially when it gets you out of a particularly insidious mind-trap. Here are some of the questions that helped me to adjust to a new way of thinking:
If you are a middle class person, the answer is probably: No. Which is sad when your credit card is itching, but not really sad when you think about all the people - some a few minutes drive away from you - who don't have food, water, sanitation or a roof over their heads.
So, 99% of the time, a few minutes honest reflection tells me... nope, I don't need it. I have eaten. I am warm and clothed. I have more than enough. This discretionary item is a want. It sounds so simple, but it's a good place to start your thinking.
I was recently given a voucher for a large shopping mall. It is sitting in my bag, right now. Every now and again, I think about what I would like to spend it on. It's a fun activity, one which reminds me of the delicious planning and anticipation when I received money as a child. I used to save up to buy something, and I can still remember the feeling of walking to the shops with the correct sum in my pocket with a glorious glow of achievement.
But truthfully, once the coveted item was purchased it was often something of a let down. Of course, the glow of getting lasted a few days, but the toy or clothing item, whatever it was, was never quite as exciting. After a week or two, it was often relegated to the shelf of "not quite favourites".
So what was it that I really wanted?
The same is often true of "event" spending - dinner, coffee, movies with friends. Whether it is R50, R100, R200 or R300 later, I've had a lovely time. My relationships have benefited, I feel relaxed and happy: good spending, right?
Well, maybe. But what, exactly, is it that made me happy? Was it the conversation? Because that is free. Was it the coffee? Because that costs a lot less to make at home. Was it the movie? Cheaper to rent, and probably nicer because you can pause to go to the loo or get a snack any time you like; plus there are no annoying people with glowing phone screens. Was it the popcorn? Have you tasted homemade popcorn?
As for restaurant food, yes, sometimes it is way better than anything I can make at home. But sometimes it's pretty mediocre, and I spend the evening with menu envy, looking at the dish at the next door table. Sometimes I eat too much, or the waiter takes ages, or parking ends up costing a fortune. Wouldn't a special meal, carefully made at home, properly presented for once, give more enjoyment, show more love, result in more relationship building?
Again, what is it that I wanted? Really wanted?
In most cases, the thing that truly makes me happy is free. Or at least costs a lot less than commercialism would lead me to believe - don't get me started on advertising! Many friends have been more than accommodating, and in fact sometimes relieved (because loads of people are really on something of a shoestring budget, one way or another) when I've said "What about..." or "I would rather..." or "I'm on a tight budget, so...". Sometimes, this opening leads to a candid and up-building conversation that wouldn't have otherwise been possible.
So what is it that you want? And is swiping that card going to buy it for you?
I'm not financially minded. Accounting, tax returns and spreadsheets leave me stone cold. So I'm here to speak about the more personal/day-to-day side of our financial independence journey.
Not being quite as hardcore as my husband (Mr Cent(ri)frugal to you) I found it difficult to adjust to the mindset required for financial freedom. I was never exactly a spendthrift - I grew up on a tight budget, and chose teaching as a profession, so saving wisely and spending carefully were always part of my outlook. FIRE was a reasonably natural extension of my natural inclinations.
The Discretionary Spending Trap
However, when I started working, having the ability to randomly decide to go out for coffee with a friend, purchase a jersey that caught my eye or buy a treat at the grocery store without counting the metaphorical pennies was a wonderful side-effect of a grueling job. Having my R200 (or whatever it was) of "free" spending money each month made me feel... free. If I wanted it, within reason, I could have it. And who doesn't like that? And if the budget got a bit expanded occasionally, well, where's the harm in that, right?
So the notion of cancelling discretionary spending was quite a stretch.
 |
| Photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker CC-BY 2.0 |
Do I need it?
If you are a middle class person, the answer is probably: No. Which is sad when your credit card is itching, but not really sad when you think about all the people - some a few minutes drive away from you - who don't have food, water, sanitation or a roof over their heads.
So, 99% of the time, a few minutes honest reflection tells me... nope, I don't need it. I have eaten. I am warm and clothed. I have more than enough. This discretionary item is a want. It sounds so simple, but it's a good place to start your thinking.
What do I really want?
I was recently given a voucher for a large shopping mall. It is sitting in my bag, right now. Every now and again, I think about what I would like to spend it on. It's a fun activity, one which reminds me of the delicious planning and anticipation when I received money as a child. I used to save up to buy something, and I can still remember the feeling of walking to the shops with the correct sum in my pocket with a glorious glow of achievement.
But truthfully, once the coveted item was purchased it was often something of a let down. Of course, the glow of getting lasted a few days, but the toy or clothing item, whatever it was, was never quite as exciting. After a week or two, it was often relegated to the shelf of "not quite favourites".
So what was it that I really wanted?
The same is often true of "event" spending - dinner, coffee, movies with friends. Whether it is R50, R100, R200 or R300 later, I've had a lovely time. My relationships have benefited, I feel relaxed and happy: good spending, right?
Well, maybe. But what, exactly, is it that made me happy? Was it the conversation? Because that is free. Was it the coffee? Because that costs a lot less to make at home. Was it the movie? Cheaper to rent, and probably nicer because you can pause to go to the loo or get a snack any time you like; plus there are no annoying people with glowing phone screens. Was it the popcorn? Have you tasted homemade popcorn?
As for restaurant food, yes, sometimes it is way better than anything I can make at home. But sometimes it's pretty mediocre, and I spend the evening with menu envy, looking at the dish at the next door table. Sometimes I eat too much, or the waiter takes ages, or parking ends up costing a fortune. Wouldn't a special meal, carefully made at home, properly presented for once, give more enjoyment, show more love, result in more relationship building?
Again, what is it that I wanted? Really wanted?
 |
| Photo credit: Charlie Foster (Public Domain) |
So what is it that you want? And is swiping that card going to buy it for you?
Is this an exception?
As with every system, it would be naive to think that there are no exceptions. Sometimes, there is a birthday party, a new friend, a big celebration or some other reason to break every rule in the book.
Maybe not every rule.
We still go out to dinner, or get takeaways - just once every couple of months, instead of once a week. And we find that those occasional outings become just that: occasions, rather than run of the mill, expensive habits. I'll write another post sometime on how we save money even on special occasions - without diminishing enjoyment. For now, suffice it to say that sometimes it's fine to spend money on important things.
Also, sometimes you've just had a "&^#&-off" kind of day, and eating a R5 chocolate-bar is just going to make you feel momentarily better... and sometimes that's fine. Especially if it's a R5 chocolate-bar instead of a R200 massage. And again, if it isn't a weekly habit, but a once-in-a-while treat. Which will also make that little treat a lot more... treaty.
Living without Want
So, to return to that voucher sitting patiently in my backpack... it isn't burning a hole in my proverbial pocket, as it definitely would have been a few years ago. I've thought of one or two useful and fun things I could spend it on; and we might even treat ourselves to a burger at the same time. It'll be an event, spending that voucher, and it isn't even that much money. In the meantime, my life goes on, with all it's ordinary enjoyments and non-money-related pleasures.
I still want things; everyone does. But your life can be fully satisfying without spending money on a whim. Your desires are not the boss: you are. Don't let your "wants" rule you.
Yours in the fullness of life,
jjdaydream
